A screenwriter wonders how the hell he’s going to come up with an original plot for a new episode of Law & Order: SVU.

But wait, if I go with the bullying story, I’ve got to find a way to make it sexual somehow so the Special Victims Unit would get the case. I hate this. I have to take every vague idea I have and turn it into some terrible sex crime. It’s like that episode where I had to write a scene where the doctor found two dice and an egg timer in someone’s rectum. Do you know how weird it was to come up with that idea? Was it weirder that I came up with it after I played a board game with my family?